Never has living alone seemed so lonely.
I had a glass of wine at 11am yesterday morning. I was sitting on my lounge in my tiny apartment drinking the crisp chardonnay, looking at the blue sky outside and instead of thinking of how nice it would be to go see my friends. I was surprised that all I could think about was getting up and going for a walk with my earphones in. So I did just that.
My life is a constant rush of work, study, exercise, cooking, cleaning, you name it. For the first and probably last time in my life I can relax. I feel completely anxiety free. I have what feels like all the time in the world to do the things I always wanted to do.
We should be taking advantage of this time. It’s the time my sister and brother-in-law get to spend with their children. It’s the time for books we can read all night, the movies we can binge all day with a bowl of popcorn. It’s the time for us to be soul searching, or arranging our pantry (which I did on the first day of unemployment). The time for calling old friends we haven’t spoken to in years.
I could cry. I could sit in my room and be sad and feel life is unfair. I have been stood down from my employment for the unforeseeable future, I have rent that is due and I’m banished from seeing family and friends.
Instead I have chosen to feel blessed and grateful. This is a time we will never get back. This is my time. I can sleep in all day and stay in my pyjamas feeling completely guilty-free while doing so.
I decided I am going to cook myself a three course meal tonight and spend the day prepping and enjoying it.
Why? Because I can and when life goes to the new normal I won’t get this time again. I don’t want to be that person who looks back and wishes I spent more time enjoying my own company and doing the things I said I never had time for.
Now where did I put that bottle of wine…